By Lisa S. Tarno

I relate quite keenly to the fable of the scorpion and the frog. It basically goes like this:

There once was a frog on a lily pad and a scorpion on the riverbank wanting to get to the other side. The scorpion asks the frog to let him jump on his back and get a ride over to the other side. The frog tries to reason that he is uncomfortable with this idea because the scorpion will just sting him. To which the scorpion assures the frog this will not happen and offers the question of why would he do this because then they both would sink and die. The frog thinks it over and reluctantly decides to give it a go. Midway to the other side of the river, the scorpion stings the frog and they begin to sink in the middle of the river. Confused, the frog asks the scorpion why he did this…now they both will die. The scorpion answered that he was a scorpion after all.

There have been some in my life who have been this scorpion, so to speak, and I have been the accommodating and hopeful frog that against all signs of change, maybe this time would be different. Other quips come to mind like, does a leopard change its spots or does a zebra its stripes? There’s a battle between our hope and what is reality. Hoping is both positive and pathetic. Don’t get me wrong here…I believe in hope…I’m wired to hope against all hope. I still hope for change in some. When dealing with a narcissistic person, hope becomes pathetic.

How do you win the game playing with a narcissist? You don’t play at all…actually, you play dead (to them). Cue the silence. I love this quote by an unknown (to me) author, “Silence may be misunderstood but never misquoted.” I have lost many battles with my words that were twisted and used against me. 

I have been provoked to the boiling point by the said individual that when I would naturally react to the provocation, a victim then entered the scene of the drama. The victim-hood of this person could also result in truth being calmly addressed. You see, a narcissist can never be in the wrong and therefore not have the bandwidth to handle truth about themselves. Thus, without self realization, there is no change. They are a narcissist after all!

One such occurrence happened not too long ago. Without going into the gory details, suffice it to say change still had not transpired in this person. They presented a question. The question was answered with all honesty. They didn’t like or agree with the answer because it put them in bad light. True to their nature, they suddenly became the victim and garnered as much support from others around to pity them and persecute us. 

During all of this needless drama, I became quiet. I sinned not in my anger. I finally had passed the test….won the battle! I quietly observed this force of nature in all their element trying to recruit players to their kickball team. It was almost comical, but mostly pathetic. It was such a minor thing that was blown way beyond proportion…all because they could…not…deal…with…the…truth. 

All that needed to happen was an acknowledgment of their wrong doing. Instead, denial, lies and a vicious attempt to turn tables occurred. An apology would have been earth shattering, but with this individual, that was wishful thinking. I still chose to forgive, but I do not forget the disrespect, the all too familiar patterns of relating, and the pointless drama. I decided that day, NO MORE! I will not be treated this way any longer. I will not sweep this under the proverbial rug and act is if nothing ever happened…like so many times before.

Silence commenced. I have nothing to say. So as to the quote above, “Silence is a suitable answer when nothing will change what has already transpired,” life is much lovelier without all the toxic blathering. I still hope for their change, but my change is to surround myself with healthy relationships where others are mature enough to own their short comings should they emerge. Life is too short for anything else.