By Lisa S. Tarno

Moving to a new city is exciting and daunting. I have left behind dear friends that have shared life with me and know me (and still like me…ha ha). While the prospect of anything new can be thrilling, with the case of moving it is tethered to the realization of being unknown. One of our core needs is to be known.

I don’t mean known as any applause for “Yay for me!” I mean known as who I really am. There’s been a history of time spent together, humor found in the mundane, private jokes that sprang from a shared experience, prayers we have languished for each other and have seen answered, highs and lows, my story. Ugh! As I meet new people now at this stage of my long lived life, I wonder what to share and what not to share!

What part of me do I let them see? What is important to share now? I have been incredibly indecisive on this task. It’s awkward at first when meeting a new group of people. I have realized from all my unpacking and settling in, I have become a little more reclusive than I have ever been before. Though people would generally categorize me as extroverted…I now see myself at this stage of life more introvertly extroverted. I don’t mind solitude and have grown comfortable to be alone for the most part in that I really do recharge from times alone. I do like my people time…but within measure. 

I have noticed I grow a little anxious with extended time with newer people because I don’t know what to say or what happens if the conversation drags or drops? Yuck! That is such an icky feeling. The comfort we find with those who know us is found in periods of silence still feeling secure. They know me. It’s okay that every second isn’t filled with words or something meaningful. With meeting new people, it is just an awkward feeling. I don’t like awkward. I’d rather retreat to my home and feel safe.

I have found that having an activity helps tremendously. I have started meeting with some ladies in our small golf group. We are all learning and see improvements weekly in each other as well as other weeks when just can’t seem to golf at all. We share humor, frustration and celebrate our achievements and good shots. This is my comfort level. Sharing experiences…not small talk at some group function. 

Groups of four is a great dynamic to do most of anything with. The conversation flows between each other with more ease. Groups of no more than six people is my personal comfort boundary. I’ve found in the past, even with known friends, once the group grows past six people a different dynamic happens. It naturally breaks off into smaller groups of two or three and someone can feel left out. I have observed this and studied this. Check it out for yourself and see if what I am saying is true or not. 

To be continued in another blog. I’m going out to meet people at a new function today. I am a little nervous because of what I have admitted above but I am challenging myself to get out there.