By Lisa S. Tarno

I’m thinking of a recent conversation I had with someone regarding whether or not I would attend an upcoming women’s event at our new church. I love the idea of it, but honestly said that it was intimidating as a new person, because nothing so aptly exploits all that I do not yet have as a room full of women with their beautiful friendships and connections. One never feels more alone in a crowd of people as in an event like this. Therein is the pulse of maybe more women than I can think of and one of the reasons why there is reluctance to attend.

I am not feeling sorry for myself. Actually, I am thankful for this new chapter in my life that is waking me up from the familiar. I think we can become lackadaisical in our efforts to expand beyond those we know as we get too comfortable in our surroundings.  Maybe some surmise that they only need a few friends and call it good. Maybe some just don’t want to put forth the effort it takes to getting to know someone new. Maybe some lack the confidence it takes to step out and risk rejection. There’s nothing quite like a move to a different area to shake things up in our lives, but I find it to be a good thing.  Dare I say, a necessary thing?

As I am forced at this season of my life to make the effort and be very intentional, it does take some inner fortitude to make myself do this. This is quite surprising coming from the extrovert others see me as. I must confess though, as I get older I see myself more as an introverted extrovert. I do actually recharge in my solitude and have had to learn to be okay by myself. It’s a wonderful enlightenment to discover. The catch is getting too comfortable in solitude that social skills atrophy. It can be much easier to plop on the couch and read a good book or watch a movie than put forth the effort to go out into public and socialize. 

I think a lot of people can relate to this especially after the 2020 pandemic. We were all forced to stay away from people and relearn how to be by ourselves. The tension of that time propelled a learning curve in all of us just as the act of “putting oneself out there” does for us now. It’s a shift that we must all embrace to psychologically thrive. I’m asserting this because we all know that relationships are what we are made for. We are not meant to live life alone. Whether or not we may be inclined to be introverted or extroverted or a mixture of both,  our inclinations should not preclude us from the effort to grow throughout all of our lives! 

The world is full of all kinds of people to get to know. The level of relationships will differ from acquaintance to inner circle friendships but the effort to grow should not be stunted because we think we are good with what we have. The only constant thing in life, except for God, is CHANGE. Life changes. Family dynamics change. Friendships change. We move away… friends move away or sadly pass away…a job begins…a job ends….people get married or divorced…kids grow up. I say all this to say, in order to be on the active and healthy side of our relational make-up, we must be willing to grow and make the effort all of our lives and not stop. 

I so resonate with the reluctance to attend an event that boasts of women and friendships, however my life is different because I have enlisted the help of my God to season my life with new friendships coupled with my efforts to try. That’s my secret sauce. I will probably attend…I will go with a fresh outlook. The reality is, because of my relationship with God, I am never really alone in a crowd!