By Lisa S. Tarno

Our family of origin (FOO) shapes us for better or worse in life. What cards have you been dealt? This was a recent conversation with a trusted friend. We both acknowledged that even at this stage of life we still have things that trigger an unwanted nerve that trace all the way back to things that happened to us as younger women. We were both feeling shame that after all these years we SHOULD be over it….we’ve trusted God with it….yet a trigger reveals that there is still a live wire regarding it. I am not going to bash on the said people who were responsible for the hurt, pain or trauma, but I will say that while I believe God can heal all things, sometimes the triggers just remind us of our dependence on God more than a “thing” being unresolved. 

In our wonderfully made humanness, our bodies and minds don’t necessarily forget what we have forgiven. Enter in a “trigger”. There are various triggers and treatments of said triggers therapeutically. The kind I am referring to is an emotional response to type of person or behavior that rekindles what I have already previously experienced with another person. How we react, emotionally or verbally, can seem to offset years of healing and make us wonder if healing happened at all.

This is where I would enter in with a little encouragement. Don’t look at a trigger and the response as indication that healing never happened but rather reframe it to acknowledge our complete dependence on God at every stage of life. Yes God can heal wholly and completely or He can choose to heal in stages or sometimes He heals on the other side of this life. What I do know about God is that His ways and thoughts are higher than mine (see Isaiah 55:8-9). 

My friend and I share a strikingly similar FOO and supporting story. We both are operating from a deficit in the FOO and our life circumstances with other relationships that aren’t helpful contribute to a less than ideal sense of security. One would ask, “Why are you so insecure?” I would answer, “Do you know my life story? If you did, you wouldn’t ask!” Curious counselors might ask, “Why does the opinion of so and so matter so much to you?” Yes, we have been unpacking that phenomenon for too much of our lives! But I believe it comes from the FOO in us. 

Our family of origin shapes so much in a child to teenager to adult. This formation is the foundation, good or bad, that one gets to work with. When that foundation is shaky at best, a deficit occurs and there is a quest for finding support and acceptance. If the support and acceptance is not found, there is a perpetual attempt at filling two core needs to be known and to be loved. Along the way, if the wrong person is now introduced into the mix of the insecure, more work is needed to unravel the twisting of identity and worth. 

The good news is that nothing is too big or tangled or difficult for God! I believe that God wants us to live vibrant and healed lives. Like I said above, it can happen all at once…WALAH! Or He can use our stories and the healing process to bless others along our path. Could there be set backs? From my own experience, I would say yes, but not to deter from the main point that God can and will heal all things. Redemption is a major theme for God! Why did Paul have to contend with a perpetual thorn in his flesh? Case in point!! When we are weak, He is strong! Therefore let us boast about our weaknesses all the more. “For we are glad when we are weak and you are strong. Your restoration is what we pray for.” 1 Cor 13:9 ESV