By Lisa S. Tarno

Getting the news that she died last week sent shock waves through our mom community! My initial response was visceral and I let out an audible cry of disbelief! I had been praying for (her) and especially with her emergency surgery. I looked back at our text messages and the prayers I prayed over her just DAYS prior! She was a fighter! 

It’s in moments like these where one could feel like God didn’t answer our prayers and get angry. I understand that! It’s wrong to have a mother precede her children in death and leave a gaping wound in the family and empty chair at the table forever. The finality of it still hasn’t settled in for all of us who are having difficulty processing this new reality…this harsh reality!

This is still very fresh and raw and the last thing I want to do -in the attempt to encourage you – is to speak “Christianese” to you by piling platitudes and saccharine scriptures over the situation. That is not my heart or intent. What we are all feeling is real and painful and we need to acknowledge our feelings in this moment! It’s okay to cry, scream, punch a mattress, and let our emotions OUT! Better out than IN!!! The Kubler-Ross model of the “5 stages of grief” include: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It takes TIME to grieve…give yourself time and permission to do this. “You may even skip all these emotions and process your loss differently altogether. The five stages of grief are supposed to serve you as a reference, not as a rule.” -PsycheCentral.com

I’d like to go back to my statement where I mentioned feeling angry that God didn’t answer our prayers for healing and health for her. I’ve been taught that God does indeed answer every prayer with yes, no or wait. We have to understand that God DID answer our prayers…just not the WAY WE WANTED HIM TO. He answered No. And I have learned that when I don’t understand why to a myriad of why not’s, I have personally had to TAP OUT, or CONCEDE the fight to Isaiah 55:8-9 where it says that His thoughts are higher than ours and His ways are higher as well. It’s not an easy pill to swallow, but the truth is our perspective IS LIMITED and we are NOT GOD!

I have also been taught that God does indeed promise to deliver us over and over again in scripture and what this means is there are three known-to-me ways He “delivers”…

1. He delivers us FROM whatever IT is….It’s a miracle…and we are so thankful!
2. He delivers us THROUGH whatever IT is….okay not the path we would choose but there are opportunities for learning if we are teachable.
3. And last, He delivers us TO HIM where we are forever with Him HEALED and RESTORED in eternity.

This is where she currently is! Let’s all envision her fully healed and restored right now in the presence of Jesus, her King! It’s too early by our standards, but God had something else in mind. She is HOME with him. We will see her one day again in eternity. We have HOPE!

For us the living-in-the-wake-of-tragedy, we are promised in Matt. 5:4, “God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Also it says in Ps 23:4 TPT version, “Even when your path takes me through the valley of deepest darkness, fear will never conquer me, for you already have! Your authority is my strength and my peace. The comfort of your love takes away my fear. I’ll never be lonely, for you are near.” But in order to tap into that comfort and peace, you cannot turn away from God in this time…you need to press in and be real with Him. Cry out to Him. Express your anger at what happened and ask Him to help you  through this deep dark hallway of life. 

When you run TO God and not AWAY from God, you can experience all the things His Word promises. Isaiah 40:31 says, “But those who trust in the LORD will find NEW STRENGTH. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”

We are a community of motherhood. We need to support her husband and kids in this time and tangibly meet their needs however we can. We need to dutifully pray for them. Let us pray:

Father God, we praise you that you are in complete control when everything around us seems out of control. You are Lord over heaven and earth and our lives. We praise you that you are a God of restoration and healing. We surrender all our grief and sadness to this profound loss of (her) here on earth. Thank you Holy Spirit that you are our comforter in this time. Spread your comfort deep and wide over all who mourn (her) today and going forward. We put our hope in You!

We lift up her husband and ask that you would enable him to be both mom and dad to their kids. Give him supernatural strength, patience, love and support from others to walk this new path. Help him to lean on fellow believers to navigate this way. Make a way where there seems to be no way. We pray blessings and protection on this family. We lift up the children as well to be able to go through this season and come out stronger in their faith. May they turn TO YOU and not FROM YOU in Jesus name. 

For all the friends and family who are grieving right now and in the days to come, I pray your strength and comfort over each and every one. May we all find your new strength to lean on and heal all the hurting hearts in Jesus name. Quicken our minds to think of ways to become blessings to this family going forward. Draw us together as a community of believers to help this family in Jesus name. Amen

*The names of the deceased and family have been kept private

** A beloved mama from our MomCo ministry entered heaven last week