By Lisa S. Tarno

When I write or speak or teach, I am transparent and as real as possible. I shared with a class last fall that to mitigate unwanted feelings of comparison, a trap I feel the enemy uses quite well, I was going to limit my time on social media especially during the holidays. I started out well in my intent but I opened Pandora’s box yesterday and I wanted to share it with you. Why? I want to share this insight because first, I want to show that even after living for many years the feelings of comparison, insecurity and feeling excluded still happen. Second, I wanted to honestly address these things that I feel are more common to us all than not and to not wallow in self condemnation or wrong thinking but to acknowledge and address.

From that premise, we all know that we cannot change what we do not acknowledge! Let me be the first to be vulnerable and share my experience. Human behavior fascinates me. I was just talking with a friend about what I observed with another woman’s behavior that was odd and obnoxious especially for her age. The undercurrents seemed to be insecurity and the need for friendship. I won’t harp on her for this article but only mention it because in truth, I, too, still grapple with those themes from time to time…at my age! No judgement here, merely intrigue and curiosity…a little provoked by her, but as sad as it is to admit, I can understand how she feels and what drives her behavior.

My intention of limiting my social media exposure was to guard my heart and eyes from being keenly aware of what I may lack. That said, in truth I really have been blessed with new friends and experiences since making a life move two years ago. I am one to post the highlight reel as well on social media and try to stay as positive as possible. The danger in doing so is the over arching danger of social media: comparison and potential envy on the whole. How many of us are truly secure enough to handle the highlight reels of social media properly? I mean, most of the time I have the right attitude of “Good for them!”. But occasionally there is the temptation to compare and even be envious of others. It could be a day of just one hormone being off and I can get caught in a tailspin of self pity. Just keeping it real here!

Yesterday was that day for me! January 1st of the new year when I started the day off right by being thankful for so much and counting blessings with my husband in reflection. The day began with prayer and focus and evolved into a satisfying 3 mile walk that got my heart pumping and energy up. The football game was intense with a miraculous comeback that only ended in defeat but life was still good. Then IT happened. I was scrolling social media, feeling safe from the holidays being over now, and I saw IT. Something where I wasn’t included in the merriment with the people I called friends. The enemy had an opening to get in and wreak havoc on my mind. 

At first I thought, “Good for them, that looks fun!” Then the insidious wrong thoughts started happening. Thoughts I am not going to reiterate for this article, but, suffice it to say they were filled with comparison, insecurity, feelings of being not included, and envy. Oh social media is a dangerous drug! I am sad to say it affected the rest of my day because I let it. I wallowed in self pity! I am not proud of myself for that momentary low moment. I share it with you not to invite judgment but awareness that we all have moments of less than ideal thinking even at a certain age when we SHOULD know better. And I share this whole article on the dangers of being overly AWARE of stuff that really isn’t my business. The title of this article is MYOB: Mind Your Own Business!

I needed to remind myself of that today: MYOB! I’ve heard teaching on this from a great speaker to be mindful of NOT comparing oneself with others and the present day’s over indulgence of awareness of all that we do not have but others do! Our grandparents never had such awareness or temptation. Comparison and envy are traps that can grab our hearts in a brief moment of being unguarded. Let me be the case in point! 

This morning I was talking to God and just confessing that I was sorry for my bad attitude and self pity from yesterday. After all the things I truly had to be thankful for…seriously…I took the bait of comparison and envy and it resulted in self pity. I recounted all that God has blessed me with and prayers that have been answered this past year and I took authority over wrong thoughts and behavior. In essence, I 2 Cor 10:5’d my thoughts which says, “…we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” I reminded myself that God has given me the mind of Christ (1 Cor 2:16) and asked Him to help me think with it. And then I asked God to help me Phil 4:8 my mind to think on what I should be thinking on: what’s good, lovely, positive, excellent and praiseworthy things!! Whew! Now back to how I know to act and think and live.

That’s all you have to do to recalibrate! I am so grateful that I have a vibrant and open relationship with the God of the universe and have the knowledge and wherewithal to do this. This is what it is like to be a Christian. We walk and talk with God in prayer. I don’t always act and think the way I should but I confess it and then do what I know to do. Wah lah! I say this to say, no matter how old I get and how much more spiritual knowledge I attain, I admit that I am NOT perfect and I fail at times…a lot of times. But oh the grace of God to set me straight again. 

My wisdom takeaways: Limit my intake of social media or even consider getting off of it completely?

As I have said to many before, “Know your weaknesses and pray about them because our enemy knows our weaknesses and PREYS on them!”