By Lisa S. Tarno

I recently shared about a time in my thirties when friends were moving away left and right and even though I had three kids and a husband, I felt the sting of loneliness. I remember as I struggled through that time talking with God about the ridiculousness of the coincidence of so many uprooting and moving across the country. My heart ached as another friend moved away. 

I remember God giving me a word picture for the essence of friendships in our lives. It was a picture of one of those doors that are circular at the entrance of a business. You step in and the circular door keeps moving cueing you to the entrance. My word picture was how this is an illustration of friendships in our lives. Life is constantly moving and there will be friends coming into our lives and leaving. It’s just life. For those who come in, be thankful and grateful and receive them and for those departing, bless and release them. 

This was a foundational time for me to apply God’s word as a verse that would benefit me all of my life. Psalm 62: 1,2; 5,6 basically say the same life altering message for me. “My soul finds rest in God alone…I will not be shaken”. I have wrestled with those verses for years questioning God that “Are we not made for fellowship (i.e. relationships)?” It was then that I was shown the dangers of depending too much on people and not enough on God. This verse was laying the foundation for many more moves not just with others but with us as well. 

The truth was when I could focus on and place my dependence on God, nothing would shake me. It may be a little unsettling at times, but not devastating. I was assured that I would recalibrate with having the proper focus and foundation. This has been time tested and proven just in my life alone. I realize that is not a statistically significant measure but it works for me. Here I am now in my fifties and on the heels of yet another big move and starting over and I can attest that God did me a service by shaping my heart and mind back in my thirties.

This time is different! As we have recently uprooted, downsized and found ourselves in whole different state of the USA, the reality sinks in. From many moves before, I have called it the “Unpacked Syndrome”. That is when all the boxes are unpacked, the house is taking shape, the new thrill of things purchased and placed have simmered and you realize…you don’t know anyone and they don’t know you. It can be very lonely.

This time is different in that my husband and I are in the “Empty Nest” stage of life. We no longer can rely on schools, sports, PTO, school functions and the like to meet people. We need a new game plan. We decided to move in our early fifties to a place we thought we’d like to retire rather than later in life because we knew it takes time to establish new friendships. By the time we were in our golden years, we wanted a good foundation of friendships. But, it takes intention and effort!

The other way this time is different is that I am more settled in my spirit and not easily shaken. I have taken God at his word, “My soul finds rest in God alone…I will not be shaken” and it has proven true. You see, I go to God with all my needs. I have deduced that when it all comes down to our basic, hardwired needs we all share the need to be loved and the need to be known. There’s more on that with a book I am writing and it’s germinating on my shelf right now. 

God has taught me to seek Him first for all things, and I do. Life has been a lot more successful following this way than my own way. I go to Him with all my needs and specifically lay out my concerns. He comforts my soul, finds ways to encourage me through people or things, meets my needs in the most beautiful ways, and holds me steady as I anchor myself on Him. This may be far fetched for some who read this and have no idea what I am talking about. I get that, but faith in God is where it begins and then eyes are opened. 

It’s different this time because I followed the guide book for life; the Bible. It’s just that simple. For those who agree we have a Creator and He has given us an “owner’s manual” and we actually read and apply it, we stand in agreement. I can honestly say that despite still having the occasional feelings of loneliness, I know that it takes time to build friendships and at this season of my life it will take more effort and intention. Because I know this and have a good track record with a God who does meet my needs in life, I am more steady this time around. My soul truly does find rest in God…alone!