By Lisa S. Tarno

Confession: I don’t like the waiting rooms of life! I’m not just referring to a doctor’s office but the figurative waiting rooms. This reflection is right in the moment, wrestling with God’s timing, and super frustrated….because, c’mon God…seriously? This has just become RIDICULOUS! I mean, I know God is in control and that said, in an instant He can change up things with a snap of His fingers. But here we sit and WAIT! 

I have tried now using a thesaurus in my prayers changing up the language from “hurry”, to “hasten,” to “expedite”, to others in a concentrated effort to get God’s attention. What word must I pray to move this along at a quicker pace? More on that later. Once again, I feel like my prayers and requests are on the heavenly voicemail queue. Silence. 

In these times, I admit to feeling weary. I’m a woman of faith but this is testing my fortitude. This growth exercise is like giving birth to a 15 pound baby. I’ve birthed a 10 pound literal baby before and that was no picnic. I have no platitudes to offer. I totally get it when people have doubts and struggle with faith at times. Waiting is not for faint of heart…I think I have heard that somewhere before. I never ever pray for “patience”… even though I know it’s the fruit quality I severely lack…because if you pray for it, you will be tested. But here’s the truth, even if you don’t pray for it, you still will be tested. I just don’t want to overload my life curriculum with these exercises if I have a choice. I will stick with the illusion that I have some control.

So after my little tantrum today, I looked up the “Word” that I really should pray. No, God is not going to be wowed or moved by my use of the thesaurus…I do know that in Hebrews 11:5-6 it says “without faith it is impossible to please God…and He rewards those who earnestly seek Him”. I even hummed a camp song for that verse as I wrote it. I also know that Psalm 46:10 says for me to “Be still and know that I am God.” And how could I not include Psalms 27:14, “Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.” 

I KNOW all this and yet…I still struggle in the wait times. I am trying to interject, “I trust you, God” in place of my panic prayers. You see, panic praying is not praying in faith. In those moments when I really don’t trust God, I simply ask for Him to help me believe and to trust Him. I’m honest with Him. 

As of this moment, I don’t have a pretty bow to wrap this episode of my life lesson up with. I’m still in the waiting room. As I always do, I tap out on Isaiah 55:8-9 with God. His ways are higher. His thoughts are higher. He sees all angles and perspectives that I do not. I surrender myself again! What are you up to God? – to be continued