By Lisa S. Tarno

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom” Psalm 90:12

When we were young we didn’t give much thought to this because so much of life was presumably ahead of us. That’s the folly of youth because no one is ever guaranteed a tomorrow whether young or old. Psalm 39:4-5 speaks of this truth, “LORD, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered- how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath.” NLT

My husband and I were reflecting on this truth this morning before he left for work. It’s a beautiful thing when we are on the same spiritual wave length. This is evidence to us that we know the Holy Spirit is real and active in our lives. We both landed on the exact same reflection yet independently. The short of it, 1. Our days are numbered, 2. How do we best order them up? 3. Who is worthwhile to invest relationships with? 4. What does God want us yet to accomplish with our time here?

Our Days Are Numbered:

Nothing so aptly reveals the brevity of life than back to back celebration of life memorials. My husband and I inherently knew this decade was going to be laden with grief because before the dominoes started falling, all our parents were still alive. We never expected the two matriarchs to pass away within months of each other!

Those were somewhat expected. It’s the other friends or family that go unexpected that grab our attention even more so. Since relocating four years ago, I have led a memorial service for a young mom in the mom’s ministry that passed unexpectedly, attended another mom’s service after passing from cancer, and got dire text messages from two dear friends in the same week grappling with pancreatic cancer! 

Message received: Our days are numbered!

Since our awareness of our time is limited here, what we extend our energy on and who with is foremost in our minds. Nothing is for certain. We do the things that promote longevity and health in our lives but adversity does not discriminate. Why do some people live longer and vibrantly than others? How do we emulate that?

How Do We Best Order Our Days?

In the broad scheme of things, what really matters? I come from a Christian faith perspective and so that shapes my world differently. I don’t assume we all share the same frame of reference. But to simplify the vastness of this question, I defer to the greatest manual for living, the Holy Bible, since it was inspired by our creator, God.

When Jesus was asked what the most important commandment was in the law of Moses, He replied, “You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” Matthew 22: 36-40

Simply said, “Love God! Love Others As Yourself!” 

From reading near death experiences from various people, the commonality from all their shared experiences is they experienced Jesus…not Buddha, not other faith leaders or prophets….Jesus! That’s something to think about. First there is life after death and Jesus is the only way as He stated back on earth in John 14:6, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.” So the notion that all roads and faiths lead to heaven is false and Jesus said so. Near death experiences confirm it to be true when they got the chance to return.

The second thing in common from all the compiled near death stories is them being asked how they loved back on earth? Nothing else mattered. Did they learn the lifelong lesson to learning how to love well? That’s what Jesus wanted to know. 

How do we best order our days? We do things that deepen our love for God and express love for others as well as how we love (steward) the life and body we have been given. The specifics are engineered and tailored to each unique person and a quest to find out. We need to get serious about getting a Masters Degree in LOVE!

Who Is Worthwhile To Invest Relationships With?

That’s a question both my husband and I have been pondering at this season of life. Our time is limited and our energy is a precious commodity not to be squandered on the wrong things. We have lived enough life now to be able to read people and decide who is worth the investment of time and heart and who is not. We don’t have time for people who haven’t invested in personal growth and development and dealt with their garbage!

We look for high caliber, emotionally healthy and spiritually sound people on the whole. That’s what I pray for on the daily when asking God to order our steps and friendships at this season of life. We don’t have time or tolerance for people who haven’t worked through and sought healing for the things that impacted them in life. We all have issues and lessons to learn! We desire to be around life learners and emotionally/spiritually healthy people. 

My husband and I are avid readers and students on many subjects in life. We both love history, psychology, faith, investing strategies and stewarding, relational and leadership subjects to glean from. We often listen to podcasts and audible books as well as have an ongoing collection of books to read. We love to be around like minded people. Small talk is laborious for me! I actually despise it. I like to have meaningful conversations and discuss ideas and readings. Those kind of relationships take time to develop and usually small talk precedes the deeper subjects but we are always on the lookout for friendships that have that potential.

Emotionally healthy people are a top priority for me at this season of life. Even the great Greek writer, Homer, wrote a great observation. “Don’t listen to your enemies. Look at them. It will tell you everything.” ~Odysseus from the Iliad. Basically it says, actions speak louder than words. People show us who they are everyday. The problem is we need to believe them! We should be slow to share our lives and hearts with others until they show themselves worthy of us. That’s not being arrogant, it’s being wise! In Proverbs 4:23 it says we are to guard our hearts because the heart determines the course of our lives! 

A secret service agent was interviewed on a podcast that I listen to and they said that their skills were high in observation not only for suspects they were interviewing but how they approached personal relationships. They said that people give so many clues to their actions and behaviors that it was easy to deduce whether or not the relationship was going to be mutually beneficial. Sometimes it was too difficult, or people didn’t own their stuff, to it was just not being a right fit. No confrontation was necessary. They just learned to limit exposure to certain people and make space for others. 

Another favorite verse of mine is found in Philippians 1:9-10 which we are encouraged to have our love grow in greater knowledge and depth of insight so we can discern what’s best. If our lives on earth are to learn how to love well, this is a key verse for that assignment! Discernment is a desired quality in our loving others. Our time is limited and our energy is to be protected for the right things. Yet we are still to love others and even our enemies. I believe that kind of loving is being gracious and kindhearted to but not inviting them into our inner circle. We aspire to live in peace with all and wish all well, even those we disagree with, and do acts of loving service to those in need. Our close relationships where we share our hearts and dreams with are a select few.

What Does God Want Us Yet To Accomplish With Our Time Here?

This is individually assigned and purposed. I think it is good to check in with God and ask at different seasons to see if we are on the right track or if it’s something different. That’s part of having an intimate relationship with God, via prayer and Bible study, where we find the answers. 

Simplified: How do I love God better? How do I love others better? How do I take care of (love)myself better at this time in life?

The very action of reflecting on numbering our days and creating some relationship goals and life goals is attaining wisdom according to the opening Psalm. All of our lives are a mere breath in scope of eternity. What kind of investments are we making in our character and faith that will go beyond this life into the eternal? For those living beyond us, what impact and legacy will we leave echoes of? Let that shape our remaining days and years!