By Lisa S. Tarno
I was bewildered. Was it perception? Was this the cumulation of prayers prayed for wisdom and discernment? Had I become more attuned to nuances and energies? All I do know for sure that being around some people drains my life energy and I just need a nap after being with them! That was the case that left me scratching my head and analyzing what had just happened. “Many people blame themselves for being too sensitive. But in reality their nervous system may have simply spent too long in self-protection mode.” ~Dr. Michelle Bengtson
I have been consciously working on healing from grieving and living a lot of my life with compassion fatigue and bracing for impact way of being. What I discovered was the hidden cost it had on me physically and emotionally. “Your body keeps score of environments your soul was never meant to survive indefinitely.” ~ Dr. Michelle Bengtson So, in response I have dedicated time to doing the things that replenish my soul and foster health and healing. On purpose, I have created peaceful environments, limited my interactions with certain others, enjoyed daily walking outdoors each morning, meditating in quiet places. “Healing often begins when your nervous system finally experiences consistency, safety and grace.” ~Dr. Michelle Bengtson
This retreat into a healthier version of living has helped sort out what I want and don’t want in my life anymore. I’m at a point in my life where I really evaluate the cost to benefit ratio of time spent on any given thing or with any given person. I have become more selective. I am quicker to bow out of something that doesn’t feel right. Twenty years ago, I would have given it more time to evaluate, but time is a precious commodity that no one is guaranteed. I see that more and more with each passing year.
So then, what was THAT? “THAT” was highly attuned awareness of wisdom that comes with age. I could beat myself up with the thoughts of “You’re just too sensitive!” Or, I can appreciate what life and wisdom has taught me about people who are sucker shoots! Sucker shoots are “fast growing, unwanted sprouts that grow from the base, roots, or below the graft line of a plant or tree. They DRAIN food and water away from the main plant, WHICH CAN WEAKEN IT OVER TIME.” Ai Overview
I am allergic to negative people! That’s the easier way to say it. I diligently work so hard to mind my mind and think positively that when I am around people full of complaints and self-pity and just negative in their focus, it viscerally affects me! I literally feel it at a physical level. I am exhausted after verbally trying to redirect the conversation to a less cognitively distorted version of life with them! To be around them is like trying to outsmart the hidden landmines! It’s a lot of mental jujitsu to have a conversation with them! After being with them, I insert a huge “NOTE TO SELF” to not be with them again.
The irony in all this is I used to be a people person but more and more these days, people wear me out because a lot of them don’t deal with their junk in life and are emotionally unhealthy. Living most of my life as an extrovert, I now have more compassion with understanding of the introvert’s perspective. I have joked that I am becoming more and more an “introverted extrovert” the older I get. I understand recharging in quiet and safe spaces as well as preferring it. I also enjoy just curling up with a good book or walking a path alone at times. I tangibly feel what introverts must daily contend with the resolution of tension in people filled places. It was a light bulb moment.
As I analyze I also am attuned to what can I learn from this? First, what I would say to someone else is not to beat yourself up for reading the room correctly and being perceptive. It doesn’t mean that you’re “overly sensitive” and something needs to be changed in you. Instead I would guide someone else to trust their intuition and be led to what is good, right and true. My takeaway is to limit exposure to negative people. Sense it and gently either redirect or move away from the conversation as well as making a mental note to not associate with them if at all possible. The second takeaway is to look for relationships that energize you and are full of light, not darkness. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!”
“THAT” was a training exercise of 1. What not to become, 2. What to avoid and 3. Who to look for that is better suited for life and light. Proverbs 4:23 NLT says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Guarding our heart is protecting our time and life energy. This verse has been a guiding force for me in my life as well as Philippians 1:9,10 NIV, “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best…” (emphasis mine).
At the end of the day, we are called to love each other but some people are harder to love than others. It doesn’t give us license to be rude or unkind, but we can love from a distance and that is the wiser thing to do in some situations. Wisdom is knowing that we do have to be careful with whom we closely associate with because their influence can rub off on us. Instead, we are guided to have our love grow in more knowledge and depth of insight like the Philippians verse suggests so that we can discern what is best. THIS is what I take away from THAT!
